Learn a language, build a career. Are Ukrainians in the EU planning their future lives in Ukraine?

Ukrainians temporarily living in European countries are slowly adapting to their new lives. Interviewers are talking about it Focus Ukrainian citizens and survey results also show this. For example, according to the results of the Gradus Research study conducted for the Kiev International Economic Forum (KIEF) in the fall of 2023, the share of Ukrainian refugees who want to stay abroad in a new place of residence is very small. It went from 8% to 18% in less than a year. At the same time, the compliance level of Ukrainians going abroad reached 62%. Meanwhile, the share of those planning to return to Ukraine is gradually decreasing, but still exceeds 60% (according to an October survey, it was 63%).

Psychologists remind us that humans are social beings and learning a language makes a new place a little bit “yours.” Therefore, it is not surprising that people take language courses and try to adapt to a new country. On the other side, There is a strong suspicion that not all respondents are telling the truth when answering the question about future plans . Many arguments and conclusions are restricted by “personal censors” so as not to lead the conversation to an “explosion” and deepen the division in society.

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Learning a language: Locals were cooperative at first, but that won’t last forever

Oksana, who has been living in Tallinn for about two years, says she does not see a connection between learning the language and not wanting to return. “We have friends who have learned Estonian from the first day to keep their brains busy, but plan to return home in the summer. We also have friends who have started a business before even finishing A1. They say, “There is no time for language, so we will get stronger.” .

Interlocutor Focus Elena has been living in Vilnius with her children since March 2022. She is learning Lithuanian with varying degrees of success, but she confidently says that she will return to Ukraine immediately after the end of the war.“For almost two years I have not seen any critical reason for migration. Other than the fact that tap water can be drunk without additional purification.”. Here I found myself in very unpleasant situations – employers deceived me or created unbearable working conditions. “When I actually considered the option of emigrating several times, I would become depressed each time,” says Elena.

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According to him, he is learning the language to feel more comfortable. “Of course you can find someone who speaks Russian in Lithuania, but during the courses we were told from the very beginning that they would now meet halfway, but this will not always be the case. And so it was. Last week, a nurse at the clinic refused to speak Russian to me and was rather rude “If you don’t know Lithuanian, you need to get a translator.”

War is an unnatural situation in which a person does not want and cannot stay for a long time, and therefore clings to life wherever possible, says psychologist Alexandra Alekseeva. And if a person cannot even buy sour cream because he does not know his name, the desire to go to language courses is quite understandable.

“Moreover, humans are social creatures, they are nourished not only physically but also emotionally. Learning a language also makes a new place a little bit ‘mine’.” After a week you already know the names of some products in the store, after two – which cafe to go to, after a month a girlfriend appears, and then there is already some kind of holiday in the child’s kindergarten, and these are also new contacts. This is how a new country gradually turns into another home. And when the time comes to return to Ukraine, you will once again have to dismantle this house and come to a new place. Because over time, even your own apartment will no longer be the same as when you left it, and returning to it will be another difficult test for the soul,” says the psychologist.

“Before” and “after”: a peaceful sky above your head does not mean the absence of pain

Refugees constantly listen to society’s complaints: As long as you are safe, people die every day. The psychologist advises those who are leaving not to forbid themselves to first say how difficult it was for them. “Of course, you shouldn’t talk about this to people who are experiencing a great loss right now; You just won’t hear each other. It is not possible to get support from someone who does not stand on his own feet. But you can always find someone who will listen to you and not measure your pain.“.

Often refugees cannot explain simple things even to their close friends in Ukraine. First of all, it is really difficult to find words. Secondly, for those who are under bombardment every day, moral problems seem somehow distant – it will be necessary to survive physically.

“On Christmas Eve, I read a message on Facebook: a woman wrote that she would not bake traditional Christmas cookies this year because she did not have a rolling pin in Belgium,” says Natalya, who has lived in Sweden for a long time. It’s been almost two years. “According to the comments under the message, it was clear which of these people were refugees and which were not. Those who wrote ‘I have a problem too’ said, ‘Don’t you have money to buy a rolling pin? “We were definitely never refugees, because this is not a money issue. So I didn’t buy a Turk for four months – I made coffee in a cup. Because I thought, why do I need this Turk – I’ll go home soon there are half a dozen of them there. Then I bought it anyway. When the mother saw Turk, she immediately said: everything is clear, we have been here for a long time now.”

“It is very difficult for a person to accept that he is gone forever,” says Alexandra Alekseeva, “How many cookies did this woman bake for her family at home? When she picks up a rolling pin, she will have to realize: the cookies are the same, but that life has passed and will never be.” Buying a Turk means an avalanche of questions you don’t know the answers to: from “Am I really here forever?” to “How should I plan my life now?” The world around us can change many times, and the best we can do is to tell ourselves: I stay. And I’ll feel as good as the current space allows me“.

Experts say that refugees from Ukraine have fled and feel safe, but it would be a mistake to think that they are happy. According to Alexandra Alekseeva, they became part of the people who found themselves in exile: they lost their homeland, but could not get a new one. A peaceful sky above does not mean the absence of pain: Refugees’ lives are also divided into “before” and “after”.

In fact, when people abroad learn a language, enroll in vocational courses, look for part-time work or well-paid permanent work, the need for adaptation is a way to stabilize their psychological and emotional state, but this means that their person has already decided to stay in the new country forever. There may be several options, including specifically moving to another country or returning to Ukraine.

“In the spring of 2022, my sister and I went to Germany to visit my evacuated daughter, and in the meantime we talked a lot with our refugees. A woman from Odessa said she did not like this situation at all. She lives in the Netherlands, but her three children force her to make decisions considering their own safety. Poland’ We met a woman who was living in a hospital in Katowice, 2016 and was talking about going back because the conditions were so bad. Everyone was jealous of me and my sister because we were going home in a week, but a year later and on my last trip abroad last year, I was no longer thinking, “Oh, you’re going home, it’s great,” Ilona from Kiev shared her impressions.

To return or not to return: What determines the choice of immigrants or what does the state have to do with it?

“From the point of view of a specialist who works with human pain and tries to alleviate this pain, people who run away to save their own lives and those of their loved ones are spiritually healthy people. They hold on tightly to life, protect themselves, their human and cultural potential,” says Alexandra Alekseeva and adds: “Of course, this is There is also an ethical side to the issue: most of the people remained in Ukraine, they are dying under bombardment every day. In connection with this, a split in society has occurred: they say that we are really suffering here and therefore we have the right to be called real Ukrainians.“.

Alekseeva says that, unfortunately, this division will remain a part of the history of the Ukrainian people. And the choice to follow your self-preservation instinct comes with a price: a feeling of “abandonment.”

“Ukrainian society today shows a division in many respects: between business and government, between those in Ukraine and those abroad. Some fight at the front, others live in the rear, some actively volunteer, and others previously just went to work and paid taxes,” the comment noted Focus President of the All-Ukrainian International Association of Employment Companies Vasily Voskoboynik. “Many people understand that today is not the time to say everything that comes to mind. Because everyone’s nerves are on edge and it is impossible to guess which word could be the “catalyst of the explosion.” Therefore, some speeches, reasoning and inferences are restricted by “personal censors” in order not to drag the situation into an explosion and collapse the country. Therefore, during the surveys, not everyone admits even to themselves that they will not return to their homeland.“.

However, the expert states that this explosion will happen sooner or later. After the end of the war, many dirty truths will come to light, everyone will start blaming each other and divisions will deepen. And in order to save the country, the authorities now need to chart the future and take certain steps, but not do so thoughtlessly.

For example, says Vasily Voskoboynik, if a business is told that they are going to create a tax system “like in Poland”, the business understands this: they need to go to Poland. Because taxes are the same there, but corruption is less and the standard of living is higher. The same thoughts arise when we are told about the rules and responsibilities “like in the EU”. And everyone understands that then it would be better to go to the EU – at least there will be not only European rules, but also European salaries.

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“Not only has Ukraine’s demographic potential suffered a terrible blow, but people also do not understand why they should come back. Authorities themselves reveal the factors that cause increased migration with false statements,” Vasily Voskoboinik summarized, “ But the fundamental asset of any society in the modern world is people. If you miscommunicate with them, they will leave immediately. “And then in Ukraine there will not only no longer be enough workers to produce goods, but there will not even be buyers to buy these goods.”